


Golden Poptarts

by FireLorde



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Blow Jobs, Crack Treated Seriously, M/M, Omorashi, churchtarts, commission, kill me, kind of a crack fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2018-12-13 13:35:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11760984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FireLorde/pseuds/FireLorde
Summary: Elders Church and Thomas discover a little golden secret.disclaimer: i do not have a piss kink nor will i ever acquire one don't @ me





	Golden Poptarts

**Author's Note:**

  * For [the bom discord](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=the+bom+discord).



> please don't kill me  
> (actually please do, writing this took 5 years off my lifespan)

“James, _aah_.”

It was a fairly chilly night in Kitguli (as chilly as chilly can be in Uganda), and two of District Nine’s elders were keeping warm in a way that would most likely be frowned upon by the Church. Christopher Thomas was pressed up against the frame of the bed with James Church between his legs, grinding himself directly onto Chris’ crotch.

“Chris,” James whispered, “keep it down, hun. We can’t let anyone hear us.” As if to completely disregard him, Chris let out a keening cry and thrust his hips forward.

“Jaaamie, why do we have to do this wearing clothes? You know I love seeing you completely naked,” Thomas whined, reaching a hand up to clutch some of Church’s dark hair. With his free hand, he loosened his tie, listening to James panting heavily through clenched teeth. “It’s _cold_ , Chris. All you said was some grinding and maybe a blowjob, and you know how I get cold easily.”

“Yeah, but I don’t,” Chris retorted, popping open his shirt and letting it fall between the bed and the wall. “Please, James, can we go all the way again? I want you to make me scream.” At that, something twisted in James’ stomach, and he rutted against Chris, completely regretting it a moment later.

_What in heaven’s name was that?_

The movement didn’t go to his dick; rather, it went to his bladder.

_No. Not now, not today, when Chris is in a mood, he won’t shut up until he’s been satisfied. Still, it’s worth a try…_

“Chris, baby, can I jus–” James was cut off by a loud whine from Chris, and he groaned as he felt another rush fill his lower regions. Knowing full well he’d piss himself if he kept grinding, James pressed his knee against Chris’ growing erection, shifting weights ever so teasingly. A small rut against his knee signified pleasure from his boyfriend, so James moved his knee up and down, side to side, and in any way that kept Chris writhing.

“Jamie, aaahh, come kiss me. I wanna feel your dick between my legs as you mark up my neck and make me feel like an absolutely spoiled boy.” _Shoot. No, no, this calls for cussing. Shit. I can’t go back to grinding, maybe I can hold it in_ – James stiffened as he felt yet another tingle and clenched, gritting his teeth as he pushed Chris’ legs farther apart. Indulging Chris wouldn’t be hard if he just used a hand or something instead of his crotch, right? Maybe. A breath hitched in the back of Chris’ throat as James dragged his lips over his jaw, peppering small kisses and nibbles over his soft skin.

“That– _god_ , don’t stop, a _ahh_ , _touch me_ , Jamie.” Chris grabbed two fistfuls of James’ hair and pulled, shivering as he felt a tongue swipe over some freshly made hickeys. Before he could open his mouth, though, he felt James freeze and twitch- perhaps it was anxiety? That couldn’t possibly be good, whatever it was. Chris sensed a swallow from James and immediately felt a hand breaching his pants and pulling out his aching cock (he wasn’t wearing underwear).

“Ff– _please_ , James, _yes_ –!” In a vain effort to keep himself from soiling himself, James had begun to slowly circle his thumb over the tip of Chris’ dick, sliding an opened fist down and starting to pump it. Whenever he felt any rush, flare, or fullness, he froze, all his breath catching in his throat. And Chris definitely noticed– especially when James stopped stroking him.

“Chris,” James choked out hoarsely, “I need to go.”

“Go?” A puzzled expression made its way onto Chris’ face. “Please don’t go, you’re so good and I love it when you tease me like that. You’re so good at touching me,” Chris purred, licking his lips and running a gentle hand through James’ dark hair, “and I wanna make you feel good, too.”

Maybe it was the way Chris had said his last sentence.

Maybe it was the fact that James had a tiny bladder (he’d wet the bed almost every night until 8th grade) that had never grown.

Maybe it was the fact that his muscles instantly relaxed upon Chris touching his hair.

Whatever it was, James let go completely and squeezed his eyes shut, curling up into a small ball as he soiled himself in Chris’ bed. _In Chris’ bed_.

Unfortunately, being in a ball did not protect him from first falling forward onto Christopher Thomas’ lap _and_ erection, which were both unfortunately wet to some degree.

After a good ten seconds, James had managed to get enough out that he could hold the rest in, and he immediately started shaking, scrambling for a pillow or a towel or _something_ he could use to clean up.

“O-oh my god, Chris, I’m so sorry, I-I didn’t, I c-couldn’t hold it in, I- I’ll clean it up, I’m so, so sorry, please don’t hate m–” Chris cut James off with a small noise of surprise– it wasn’t _bad_ surprise. Upon peeking through his hands, James saw a very pink blush on Chris’ cheeks (secondhand embarrassment?), his mouth open in an “O” shape, and his hand protectively clutched over his dick.

“James, I–” Chris stopped mid-sentence, breathing deeply. To James, it seemed like the world was slowly freezing over. This was, quite possibly, the worst thing that had ever happened to him. “–don’t feel ashamed. I… I want you to, uh… How do I put this? More. I want more, I want you to… Finish it. Let go, I guess?” Chris grinned sheepishly, holding out his arms and shrugging. “Oh. Oh my god, I…” “You don’t have to! You don’t have to if you don’t want to, I just… I dunno.”

“Okay, so…” Lifting one of Chris’ legs over his shoulder, James pressed against Chris’ crotch once more, pushing his tongue against his teeth and clenching his eyes shut before letting out a muffled sigh. As he ground against Chris, he felt his pants become wetter and wetter by the second– and god, did he feel disgusting. For some unknown reason, Chris’ dick was standing straight up, with a bead of precome already starting to form. What the _hell_ , did this turn him on? No way in a month of Sundays. That’s horrible, that’s gross, that’s– No. James didn’t want to admit it, but it was kind of attractive.

As soon as he finished, James coughed awkwardly and lowered Chris’ leg. He felt like a dog raising its leg and peeing on a fire hydrant. He felt _unsanitary_. And _god_ , did he feel like an infant.

And, for some reason, Chris was loving it, his chest tightening as he felt a little whimper of pleasure come out. Both their pants were absolutely soaked. “I– I should clean up.”

“Oh, yeah! Sure. Me too. Bathroom?” “Bathroom,” James nodded, blinking away a few tears. His eyes crinkled up in a weak smile and he slunk off the bed, practically dragging Chris to the door. Once they’d evaded the hall and locked the bathroom door behind them, Chris had practically dropped to his knees and yanked off James’ pants and underwear, taking his slightly damp cock and running his hand over it.

“Chri-is, what the _heck_ – At least let me wash off, goodness!” James gingerly pried Chris’ hand away from his erection, an action that bewildered Chris. “Why, though? I liked that. What you did back there, how you let go for me…” James’ throat tightened and he grabbed a washrag, hastily flipping the tap on. “Christopher, _please_ ,” he muttered between clenched teeth and a voice crack. “Is this a new kink of yours?”

“Mmm, maybe. Maybe not. How about you?” Sliding his pants off, Chris ran the slacks under the stream of warm water, balling them up and tossing them into a convenient laundry hamper.

As James wrung the cloth out, he wiped himself over a few times, freezing as Chris reached the end of his sentence. “I mean, James, you’re pretty much all the way up.” Chris took the cloth out of James’ hand and wrapped it around his length, curling his fist around it. Slowly, he started to pump his fist up and down, pursing his lips and raising an eyebrow. 

James didn’t know what to say.

“You– I– Don’t you dare stop.” Closing his eyes mid-sentence, James let himself relax, running a hand through Chris’ flaxen hair. Unwrapping the washcloth, Chris graduated to kissing up and down the length of James’ cock, moaning directly through his nose.

“Jaaaaamie, I wanna blow you. Now. Please, baby?” Chris gave James his best begging eyes, putting on a face no one could say no to, and hell, James couldn’t say no. Without a speck of hesitation, Chris swallowed as much as he could at once, trying to breathe a bit before it hit the back of his throat. James tugged his hair and blew out a breath, pushing his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

“That’s it, good, Chris.”

Chris’ lack of gag reflex came in handy at times like these, and so did his tiny hands, those of which were currently occupied with fondling balls at that moment. Feeling something that wasn’t connected to his bladder twitch, James tugged on Chris’ hair, muttering a strained “Swallow for me, if you can” before coming directly into Chris’ mouth.

With a pop, Chris pulled off, fixing his hair and standing right back up as if nothing had happened. He wiped a few tears from his eyes and rolled his shoulders back, casting a loving gaze towards James.

“How’s that for getting cleaned up, Jamie?”

“It’s great. Now go shower, Chris.”

**Author's Note:**

> hell is empty  
> send me anon hate @ liferuiner63 on tumblr  
> (i promise i'll write y'all some non crack-y, 100% serious churchtarts nsfw because there's not enough of it in the world.)  
> also!!! i'm taking fic requests so please send me those along with the anon hate. kudos if you felt uncomfortable !  
> 25 kudos and i'll post something better than this but also worse ;)


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